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| 202412@Burnaby |
生了一場病，總算稍微緩過氣來，但最近卻總是被乾咳糾纏著。這一週，心裡莫名升起一種淡淡的哀傷。回首研究所畢業後的十四年，若剝去職場經歷和過去五年成家立業的成就，曾經忙碌不歇的自己，現在竟像個空殼
—無魂、無腦，也無成長。步入四十歲的光景，把自己擺上求職市場，感覺不上不下。體力衰退，連最基本的溝通與邏輯似乎都變得生澀，更不用說全英文求職。心裡的那份敏感更加無處安放，變得太容易在意別人的眼光，害怕這、畏懼那，像被無形的枷鎖綁住了一樣。
然而，看著孩子們，卻覺得羨慕又感慨。他們那麼坦然地做自己，毫不掩飾地流露真實的情緒，像是一種天賦的自由。我卻早已忘記，什麼叫無憂無慮地活著。
雖然聽來有些鬱悶，但或許這未嘗不是件好事。在這片人傑地靈的土地上，得以暫時停下腳步，歸零、反思。這個時代裡，能有機會歸零，似乎也是一種難得的奢侈。
#溫哥華生活 #加的冒險
After falling ill, I’ve finally managed to catch my breath, but lately, I’ve been plagued by a persistent dry cough. This week, an inexplicable sense of melancholy has quietly crept into my heart. Looking back on the fourteen years since I graduated from graduate school, if I strip away my professional experience and the achievements of building a family over the past five years, the once tirelessly busy version of myself now feels like an empty shell—soulless, mindless, and stagnant.
Now, at the age of forty, putting myself back into the job market feels like being stuck in limbo. My physical stamina is fading, and even basic communication and logical thinking seem to have become clumsy, let alone navigating the complexities of job hunting entirely in English. The heightened sensitivity in my heart has found no refuge; I’ve grown overly concerned about others’ opinions, fearing this and dreading that, as though bound by invisible chains.
And yet, as I watch my children, I can’t help but feel both envious and wistful. They live so freely and authentically, expressing their emotions without hesitation, as if born with an innate sense of liberty. I, on the other hand, seem to have long forgotten what it means to live without a care in the world.
Though it may sound gloomy, perhaps this isn’t entirely a bad thing. Here, in this land of extraordinary people and natural beauty, I’ve been granted a chance to pause, reset, and reflect. In an era like this, having the opportunity to start from zero feels like a rare and precious luxury.
#LifeInVancouver #CanadianAdventures
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